Maid of Honor - Break Period

If you've read the topic and imagined a beautiful wedding in a church with similarly dressed bridesmaids, snap out of it!

Maid of Honour - Pun intended.

Last week I received a message from a friend. It said that her long term servant maid who had nannied her two children for over 14 years had passed away and she mentioned that this lovely lady just visited her a week back to see the children. The message mentioned the inconsolable children and the heartbroken family.


My Himalayan Baahubalian level craftily talented friend always shared pictures of her kids when they went for a costume party, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, weddings, Onam etc. I had always noted this little woman would be around somewhere or her mention would always be there. For Onam, she has helped my friend's daughter to decorate the poo kolams and a very happily proud mother would share pictures with us. A rainbow themed birthday and the mother would share a picture of her daughter and maid to show us the decorations they had done. Every time I received a message, I would hurry to open it because no matter what, her messages always made me happy.

The message was heartbreaking - yes. More than heartbreaking, I was moved by how my friend had is chosen to eulogize the memory of her accepted family member so beautifully and share it with all of her friends. Family is who we choose beyond the biological connect. Family is what we make it.

In memory of Rengamma. A woman I didn't know. A woman I had never met. A woman who just made things better for the family she was in. 

Being there - Break Period

With a whirlwind of occasions and family situations, i hadn't been in touch with my writing. I've just hit the pillow and thought what the past two weeks have been like. 

The back to school routine is on and early mornings are the enemy now. Somehow Mondays and Wednesdays and happy happy cause of the super silambam classes I'm doing. It's been four classes now and I'm hooked. 

The past one week has been a roller coaster one. My maternal grandfather had been in and out of the hospital. It came as a sudden emergency all of a sudden and at that moment I didn't really know what I was doing. G man was in school, mum was in the hospital with her dad and my other set of grandparents needed babysitting. With a whoosh I picked G from school and in a few hours I was in the hospital with my brother in a city 53 kilometres away. 

Grandpa is better now. Big sigh of relief but then I had been thinking how unprepared I was at a time of emergency. Well, it is an emergency, yes. What we prioritise during these times is so important. The whole situation turned out to be a difficult one since most family members were travelling. Dad in the US and my husband in France. All my brother and I had in mind was to be there to support mum. Somehow to me I just felt it wasn't enough. We were there, we did whatever we had to. We never feel adequate when we have to be there for our parents. Somewhere there is a hole and it just isn't enough. 

Being around one another and being there is the most important thing, in whatever way you can - this was the conclusion at Break Period.  

The ladies had nothing else to say. We do what we do for our parents but it's never going to be how our parents did it for us. 

I'm just dozing now thinking - I hope I'm doing enough for my little boy. 

Lesson from the weeks gone by. 

Love, matters. Love matters. Be there - in person, over the phone, video or anything. But just be there with a voice and face - time is fleeting and some moments are the one that make a mark for a lifetime. 

Your recent inspiration - Monday Chit chat at Break Period

After the weekend, at Break Period there is a usual sigh of relief about meeting again and about getting sometime without the kids at home. I had an exhausting Monday with a few meetings in schools and I couldn't really wait for today's chit chat. We have a bunch of new mommies among us and we couldn't stop yapping.


I was dying to share with the group about a recent event that had inspired me so much. I had recently heard about a friend who had given birth to her second daughter at a birth village in Kerala wherein you do not do scans, vaccines or anything hospitaly. Instead, you had an assisting midwife who helps you deliver your baby naturally without any scientific interference. I found this an extremely gutsy story and came across this picture of the baby with the placenta and umbilical cord intact. Very few pictures have been emotionally, spiritually or mentally awakening to me. To me, the mental image of seeing my parents whenever they picked me up from boarding school keeps running on loop because that image never leaves you. Another recent picture that I came across was the picture where Jacqueline Kennedy and Caroline Kennedy kneel and bow their heads on JFK's coffin. I haven't been able to get that image out of my head ever since. This one with the baby attached to her placenta was another. I was shaken by the raw human truth behind it. What a wonderful message and what a wonderful way of being the example!

The group had so many things to share and a few mommies ended up reading it online right there. That's when I realised that I was sitting among a bunch of women who were all about uplifting each other and appreciating the emotion behind this! I had also noticed that ever since this story had made the rounds, the power I see in women who talked to me about it was radiating!





Get to know more about this amazing lady at www.durgeshnandhini.com

What's in your bag? What's in your car?

To remain inpsired and to keep the writing going, I've taken up 30 topics to write about - one everyday for a month. Apparently doing something the same way for 21 days makes it a part of your daily routine, so let's give it a go.

Writers block is my best friend so these topics do come in handy. I did pick out the best few that made sense and remained informative. Mommies who juggle part time work, maintain a home, cook, clean, iron and chauffer your little ones around - hi five! Give us something more, and we will do it just as well. Well, today I chose to write about two topics - What's in your bag and car?

Juggling a life like this may seem like a lot of things to carry around, but recently when I moved out of my in laws home to an apartment, I discovered the Konmari method of decluttering. This method has been a blessing. I've gotten rid of so much stuff which has helped mentally as well. I didn't stick to the method too much - but whatever worked for me I chose to go with it.

What's in my bag?!
Well, I carry the Longchamp tote with a small handle. Its one of those totes that folds back into a small wallet sized thing during storage. For those who have been struggling to make the change from carrying a diaper bag that held everything including your foldable tent for the kid, this bag, I highly recommend you start with a tote. Let's face it, none of us have Hermoine's extension charm to hold the whole world in it anyway!

1) Lip balm - if you are someone who carried it around, you know my emotion.
2) Wallet - cards, change, ID cards and driving license
3) Charge bank - Having taken the plunge to use an iphone, it's so necessary to stick to using a phone bank cause well, it is an iphone.
4) Jio - well, Padhu and I took the plunge to use Jio portable wifi and believe me I'm not complaining. It's quick and it's not heavy or expensive.
5) Water


What's in my car?!

I wanted to write about this because G man and I commute by car for everything. (Also because I don't know how to ride a two wheeler and thus do not have a license for the same). We spend a lot of time in the car and I stick to some things when in the car.

1) Sunglasses - for both of us
2) Bits of fabric - we make squares of fabric and keep them in the car to use as napkins in case of snack spillage.
3) Snacks - I may as well travel with a fridge now but I'm waiting for automobiles to catch up and come to that point when we can afford it.
4) A big basket - I keep a big basket in the boot so when we go shopping I don't end up carrying heavy bags. Instead I just put them in the basket and carry the basket. It's easier on the fingers.
5) Empty tiffin box and empty water bottle - This you will understand if you are a roadside shopper like G man and I are. We buy nongu and theluvu (Palm fruit and palm juices) and coconut water frequently. These empty vessels don't make much noise.
6) Cloth bags - The dash always has cloth bags so we can stop at the farmers market to pick up fruits and veggies. The bag goes back to the dash after use.
7) Travel pillow - I got a pillow cover made that can be fitted to the seat belt. When G man dozes off on the way home or school, he doesn't hurt his head anywhere. It's just one of those things that is better by being there!

What do you keep in your bag and car?

What are mommies talking about these days?

If you are from a small town and you have a child, you may know what this post may be about. Over the past five years, ive understood the life of small towners and the dos and don't of it. I've only understood them, not mastered any.

Well, in my town, we do weddings, parties just like any other. But what do mommies do? What do we talk about? Where do we take our kids and what do the kids like?

I enrolled G man in a phonics class and that's how I met this wonderful bunch of women who had become friends for life! We've been friends for over a year now and we spend about 50 minutes together everyday. When you put together a bunch of women without children (cause they are in class) it becomes verbals chaos mostly.

Over a year, we've discussed everything under the sun! Schools, syllabus, bags, lunch boxes, clothes, cars, acne, hair loss, jewelry, family, siblings, gossip, scandals, labour, delivery, c section, epidural, ice cream, laser, Botox - what not! Probably everything under the sun. While in school, remember when you longed for that break period when you could just open your snacks box and eat that yummy snack mummy packed for you? Well, I pretty much wait for this 50 minute break period from the busy schedule of the day. One may call it stress buster or time pass - but we have just become good friends who can make each other feel easy and relaxed so I'm just gonna call it break period.

Break period happens every Monday to Thursday. Kids learn sounds while we The Yappers Club just have friends time.



What are mommies talking about today?

Today, we were mostly talking about what amount of academia intake a child of 4-5 can take. Some kids from our mommy bunch take French classes and some learn swimming. While almost all of us were guilty of trying to push our kids to some class or the other (yes, I said that out loud cause that's the truth and let's deal with it)we were worried about how a two month summer break can make a child forget literally everything he learnt. Each one had a few suggestions and some practice suggestions. None of us are superwoman mothers who want the child to do everything on their own. We are just mommies who want to make sure the kid has all the help he needs at home.

P - P sits down with her kid and gets him to write his alphabets and numbers everyday.
A1 - A giver her kid a slate so she can scribble the alphabets as and when A1 calls them out.
N - N gets her older kid to help the younger one so two inputs help the kid.
E - E sits down every week and helps her kid write his alphabets and numbers.

What I do - G man and I would discuss how each alphabet looked. For example , while in the car he would describe to me how a W looks. He would either say 'two Vs put together' or 'four slanting lines'. I was supremely guilty of not getting any writing done for G man over the summer. As for numbers, we always recited numbers 1-100 in the car or while our evening walks. Writing numbers - nil. We would circle alphabets in the newspaper. For example, circle all Gs - and then say some G words.

How do you get kids to remember what they have learnt in school? Or, what do you do when your kid forgets?

Life is such...

Is it ok that at one phase of life one just doesn't perform and one knows it? Is it ok to wake one day and say, 'today I feel like my old self'? Does anyone ever feel like their old self after a bunch of years that just fly by? 

Today was a day of many horizons. I had kept the love for writing sleeping. Today, I wake and realise it ain't right. It ain't right to blame a situation to hide one's laziness. 

Over a few years life has gone by with many winds of change but today I realise the ship still remains. May have seen storms and summers, winds and winters but the ship remains. Sailed, sailing, setting sail and rowing. 

The storms have tattered the sides of my row,

I thus blamed the storms, 

I know not the storms don't last.

I know now the storms have gone, 

The sails are up, 

The winds of change - they come and go,

They come and they go.

Lightning, be the light that guides,

Thunder, be the songs that entertain,

Waves, be the rains that make me dance,

Let's just set sail again! 

connie - warmth.

Lovely people, meet Connie Hereford - warmth in the chills of Ooty, literally. This is an experience I mean to share with the world to show that wonderful people just happen to you. A big bunch of us friends, were on a weekend stay in Ooty. A couple of us early risers decided to take a morning walk downhill to get some fresh air and that's when we bumped into Connie - warmth in a bottle. 

We were being nice and courteous when we saw her walk downhill. We said good morning and she did too. She immediately put her hand into her pocket and took out a bunch of toffees and handed it over to each one of us. For a minute, I felt like I met Santa Claus. We just got to talking and I asked her what she does for a living. She said she makes jams and pickles and sells them. I told her I will swing by her home and pick up a few bottles when I leave Ooty. We exchanged numbers and she gave me directions to her place. She then held all our hands and said a prayer and blessed us and left. 

This is a 75 year old woman on a morning walk. Downhill. Happy, hale and healthy. 

The day went by and when we were leaving my husband asked if I'd like to so some shopping and that's when I was reminded about Connie. We had almost made the turn to the exit road. I called her and with a little guidance from Connie, we reached her home. 

Her home smelled of sugar. There was jam, cake and cookies in the air if you closed your eyes and took a whiff. She showed us to the box with the jams and I picked two bottles.padhu and I asked her where her family is and she said her husband passed away a long time back and her two sons were working far away. She had given them both an education by selling her jams and pickles. 

We were stunned.

I quickly picked out six more bottles and placed them on the table. She them brought out a cake and said it was for me. I looked at her and asked her, 'Connie, but what if I hadn't come?!' She replied, 'oh I knew you were coming dear. Jesus told me so. And he said you like everything chocolate.' 

Nobody could have pulled off that line on me. Nobody. My jaw dropped. 

We paid for the jams and said goodbye. While we were about to leave she mentioned to be careful about a particular aggressive lorry driver who was attacking three young boys that morning. She mentioned she tried to stop them but he hit her so bad that she may have cracked a rib. For a calculative minute, Padhu and I didn't speak. Then we asked her if she has seen a doctor. She said she has and asked us to leave before he came.

A single woman who lives with a dog took to a lorry driver who was beating up three kids. What guts. What priorities. 

We left and the car smelled of chocolate cake. The one that Jesus ordered. Until we reached Conoor and had the lemon tea, all we could talk about was 'What if, we hadn't thought of her?!' 'What if we had made the exit turn?!' 

Till we reached home we talked about how she defended the three boys when she had no one at home to even take care of her for an emergency. With the happy scent of chocolate cake we reached home. 

The jam was heaven in my mouth. Heaven on bread. Heaven on Varkey. And heaven till the last bit. I gave away a few bottles to some very appreciative friends. 

Connie just happened to us that morning. She is warmth in her bottles of jam, in her hugs, in her touch, in her actions and in her speech.

I plan on keeping in touch with her through letters.