'Just a..'

I initially decided to stick to liking facebook statuses, retweeting and sharing articles on this issue, but then I decided I would become 'just another' one of them if I didn't type this one out.

Twitter, people say is the medium where one talks to oneself waiting for others to join the conversation. Yeah, when I used it I was doing so. I considered myself a celebrity and tweeted about every single worm I saw in my garden. Then I stopped cause, no one was reading. Anyone who read it wasn't gng to benefit from it and I was just typing and refreshing because I was bored. 

The recent Deepika vs TOI issue caught my attention and I was a bit amused at first. A leading news daily actually tweeted the words 'cleavage'. And they actually said 'OMG, her cleavage'! If I were still working in Google, it would be an equivalent to disapproving an ad because they used the words 'Click Here' for an online ad. In my head, I read the tweet and Deepika's reply and thought -policy violation, dissed for use of word 'OMG'. And mainly dissed for morality. You wouldn't shout out to the public saying 'come see a woman's cleavage!' 

On that note, TOI - whether u say so or not, people are going to look and people are going to see. I'm not going to say men, because women around the world are wanting to have an amazing body like hers. 

I then read through this final clarification from Deepika and thought 'Why on earth is she clearing the air? She was quite clear, wasn't she?!' But then, what would I know. I'm 'just' one of those millions reading this and thinking the same thing. The lame comeback from TOI which said 'just another calendar girl for a liquor brand' ticked me off. What part of her profession do we not understand? First, the cheap use of words. Then, the cheap use of words again. A celebrity lends their face value when they endorse a brand. A model, their beautiful looks. In my head voices were going haywire. But then I thought - 'just another newspaper who wants a pretty girl's face splashed all over their pages.' 

I wanted to be a journalist as a young girl. Those dreams didn't take root but I never gave up my passion for writing. Journalist is just a name, I told myself. The pen maybe be mightier than the sword but this time, turns out, the pen puts the holder to shame. Having said that, I'd like to add that 'any' profession is a profession. No profession is demeaning until the one doing it thinks so. 

TOI - pull up your socks. Apologise on behalf of your tech department. Say it was the wrong use of words. And finally, thank Deepika Padukone for the increased sales for the past two weeks. Meanwhile, work on a policy where you do not say a few things on media. Media, It's a beautiful thing. People chose to hear you, read you and see you. Don't make it 'just' another news channel with flashy ads and trashy headlines. 

Wake up, shake it off.

This post is probably from a recent fear inside me. The fear of rusting and the fear of becoming fat.

Waking, shaking, doing. 

Forecast for the next two months.

There is a solid 6 week gap before Baby G makes his first flight abroad, but excitement has gotten over me. We are going to Bali for 6 days to attend the Inner Wheel AGM. It's going to be his first beach, first flight, first dip in a pool and I'm hoping many more firsts. As scary as all these firsts sound now, I'm totally excited about having a fun trip with him. We got an excitement hit last Sunday and did some pool accessories shopping for Baby G. 

It's going to be one of those trips where he sees much more than home and my parents home. He is beginning to talk so much now, I cannot wait to go on this trip. Before this trip I'm hoping to get a big list accomplished..

- get him to forget the 'thottil' (cloth cradle) 

- get him used to a pool 

- potty train him (this one is BIG)

- plan and pack light. 

Since this one is an ambitious list, Daddy G has offered to help with the packing light. We plan on going with just one cabin luggage and one hand luggage. No iPods, no iPads, no office, no home, no shopping lists. Just us, friends and Bali and the memories to come off it. The mad photo lover that I'm, I've decided not to carry my dslr. Yes. Cause one baby at a time. Daddy G will carry it for himself. 

Dreaming beachy. 

Before this beautiful Bali plan, I have a packed two months. Padhu turns 29, Padhu and I turn 4 as a couple, my dad's 60th birthday, two best friends get married, one In karaikudi and one in Cochin. There is travel, there is fun, there are pictures, there is music, there is love. The next two month forecast is raining enjoyment! How is yours?! 

Mommy woes.

Living in my hometown with people who have packed social calendars of weddings and temple visits is not an easy task. After 16 years in hostels and 3 years of working away from home, I find this social life so frustratingly demanding. Every other day there is someone to visit in a hospital, or a newborn to welcome, a wedding/engagement/funeral, temple visits. Life has boiled down to timing Gs sleep patterns to packing his travel bag, refilling it the next time and having to count the number of clothes be ironed every other day. I see no joy in going to these places. Let's face it - a new born is a new born. The baby will never know Aunt Pragi visited. Let's face it - Weddings here are so crowded that the bride or groom will never remember Pragi came along with her baby. Let's face it - at a funeral you never know what to do. You are too fidgety, staring at your phone is awkward, attending a call is frowned upon and staring at the loved ones of the family is just plain painful. The social life here exists only to prove a point 'you came for my wedding/you visited my newborn/you attended my housewarming - so I'm doing it too.' The joy of a well spent evening with friends is so lost in the culture here. Everyone is looking for the well behaved and the well mannered and the courteous that everyone has missed the joy of fun and crazy.

With a lot of hate I attend so many events here. Pick a saree, pair the jewellery, pack the baby bag, and go. I truly think a person is allotted a number of fake smiles in life and I'm so scared I've already run out of mine. Middle age aunties want to know where the saree is from, women younger than them want me to know their daughter has a similar saree, ladies my age wear the same amount of detest on their face that I wear on mine. These events are so taxing. Ladies end up picking up G and walking away like he's theirs to keep. He gets kissed by so many people, I do scrub his cheeks a lots after we get home. Being a mummy is so rewarding but every mummy knows the emotional and physical stress it involves. Additional stress involves questions like - since you aren't working, what do you do in your free time? How, how, really how does one come to the conclusion that a working mom works and a stay at home mom doesn't? Really. 

Be it a working mother or a stay at home mother - the amount of work is truck loads. You don't get time to keep your feet up and finish a cup of coffee, or a meal, or the newspaper, or take a dump for that matter. Who concluded that a mother has free time? Who? Is there a section of people out there that just walk around with a bunch of questions to annoy people? Who sets these question papers for you guys?! 

Yes, I had the free time. A whole day of chasing, feeding, entertaining a baby who won't stop, won't eat and is bored already with TV, my iPad, toys, walks, water games and my phone. He fell asleep half hour ago. I've folded his clothes, washed his clothes, put away his toys, had my dinner, made my bad and written so much. I stop cause he's crying in his crib and needs to be cradled. 

Dear losers with nothing to do but assume things about others lives cause nothing is worthwhile in yours,

________________

P.S - it means, I have nothing to say.

Pragi

Finding your way into a full household.

I had recently read Jayanthi Padmanaban's blogpost on joint family. I love it thoroughly and wanted to a write a little of my own chronicles of living in a joint family for over 3 years now.

It takes a lot of effort to adjust into living in a joint family. I'm definitely not suggesting living in one but for those who haven't found the humor in being in one can just find inspiration. If u can. Mostly, I ignored seeing the perks of it. But when I complained on and on, my husband one day said, 'just look at it like a joke.' At that moment it didn't dawn on me what he was trying to say but slowly it sunk in.

The first thing to do is learn to 'not react'. One is bound to get so many suggestions/advice/comments (definitely no compliments) on parenting and sometimes even on being a wife. Almost all of them irritate to the bone, so slowly once you learn to not react, it's just blissful. You remain the same and the comment goes unnoticed and the nobody gets hurt. When my husband asked me to look at it like a joke.. Most things weren't funny. But for those that actually were funny, turned out hilarious.

As a daughter in law, as a new mother, I got so much advice about avoiding using a diaper for my son. I was asked to stitch cloth diapers and use organic soap to wash them. I was always for a big no no for cloth diapers. One, it is a lot of work. Two, there actually is no harm. Three, in a joint family with three children within the ages of 4, no one has the time to wipe urine off the floor every time babies says 'onnu'. Everyone tells you that it produces a lot of heat and creates rashes. I haven't faced any of that so far and my son is fine. So I just learned to stick to my decision. When things go the way you thought was right, your actions speak louder than words. I'm not proud about proving my diaper point here but just saying, it's a lot easier to just nod your head, listen and then go do whatever the hell you want.

Potatoes are only for poori and not for any sabji. Why? Because my mother in law said so. So just go with it. Don't ever try to persuade anyone into trying a new dish cause you'll bear the brunt if it is wasted at the end of day and you will never be complimented even if it is yummy as hell. If you want to introduce something pick the day you are left alone at home to cook for the entire family. That way your reason can be, 'I found it easier to cook something that I know to.' Everyone eats without a word. There are definitely 2/9 complaining about not liking the food. Say you had to stick to the menu. So you did.


It's wonderful to enter a home with three babies walking towards you even before you've opened the door. Whether you are a baby's person or not, hug them, kiss them and love them. They are going to know it forever. Teach kids to share their toys at home, they have absolutely no problem in school. Growing up with kids their own age is fun. One baby does one cute thing, another one learns it too. The fun thing abt home is, when one baby does something new, we all clap every single time. They love it. They repeat it so much and clap along.

With a full household, going for a late night movie is a big luxury. It's been ages I set my foot in a theatre. I've made my peace with it, but you please don't. Demand for a movie or an outing once in a while cause otherwise your husband will learn the words 'Download and watch.' And when you do that you will be helping movie piracy online. Don't. If you want to watch a movie, get someone to babysit. And go. Don't download. Cause later you will never have a story to tell people when they ask you 'what movie did you see first after your wedding'. Mine always is 'just the one'. If you can get someone to babysit, just do it.  You need 3 hours to lose yourself in a theatre filled with real people and reel people.

I've heard and seen many complaining about how they can never pursue their interests after their wedding. Just, find a way, pls. I still am.

I loved Jayanthi's mention about how there is never savings in a joint family. It's true mostly. No one is ever aware of the financial status of the family. It takes a while to figure out how to handle your personal finances. I'd just say 'stick to dealing with it through your husband'. No one else. If there is an open invitation to help run the family business, go ahead if you want to. In proper words, don't meddle with the finances and the family business. If you want to talk about it, just talk with your husband. It's just safe.

Even with so much said, so much adjustment, do not give up on who you are. Stand for what is right. Bring your children up the way you want to. Consider ideas from inputs but the final decision is yours.


If you want to be happy, find your way. I've found mine. The complaining graph is way lower now. Stick it out. There is definitely a home somewhere that is waiting to be yours. Waiting to be furnished your way and run your way. Somewhere.