21 January, 2008

My kingdom~

My kingdom has the king, the queen, the prince and me the princess. I would not want to lose these people for the world. Life’s going smooth. All’s well. Every time I go back home from hostel, I get only the best. At least what I feel is the best. Favorite food is on the menu. Whining and throwing tantrums is allowed. I get to watch what I want on TV. My favorite music is always on the CD player in the car, TV till 1 am. I’m allowed to take calls and say “Dad not at home. He just left his mobile here” sitting right next to him. Chocolates from the most recent country my dad visited is in the freezer are always waiting. Waking at 9 am is totally forbidden as it’s too early (Dad will switch on the AC and I get to continue hugging a stuffed toy.)

Yes, I live a luxurious life. I didn’t have a driver who waits with a classy, glossy and expensive car to pick me up from or drop me back in boarding school. I’ve had my parents pick me up and drop me back every time. I didn’t have nannies that bathed me or clothed me. My mom caressed me instead. Instead? Yeah, my mom just did. I never had an elder sister or brother. I was one instead. The little one came 5 years after I did. He is the centre of our lives and I love him. I can pamper, pet and adore him. But, I can, on the other hand, bug him saying “he cant.”

No, I didn’t get to own a mobile phone in class 10. I got my first one when I went to Chennai for college. I don’t get to wear branded clothes. Though as a player my dad got me branded shoes once a year. I didn’t get to take leave from school as and when I wished. I was taught to stick to time and date. Yes, we did pamper the lil’ one. J I never went to the movies or shopping with friends. I lived with friends, so I needed this time for my family. Birthday party, prom nights, farewell parties, late night visits, night outs at friends houses were out of question when I came back home. I never thought of them either. I had just 2 months of summer and 1 month of winter in the whole year to spend with my family. Dressing up was never the side of me. My mom forces me always. (Secretly, I love it! It’s pampering the aggressive way!) She’s just asking me to wear gold and diamonds! J I get to choose what I wear and what I keep idle in the cupboard (Lucky younger sisters!).

Making a decision is at my discretion. I decide if it’s right to do something or when I’m confused I think again. If am very confused, so confused that I really have no way I can figure anything out - - -That’s when I feel homesick. Not like family will give me a solution, only because the people whom I want to make proud will be disappointed to see me so. This feeling does not last long. It changes in few seconds and I’m back to confusion. But the decision is mine. ONLY MINE!

Yes, I did not get to choose what I wanted to study – Journalism. I had to opt for B.Com CS which I had not heard of at all at that point in time. L But now I’m happy. At least I’m not complaining. It would not have made a big difference anyways - Journalism or Commerce.

My pocket money was limited, Rs.5000 a month which included the food charges and phone bills. I was usually left with Rs.2500 to spend on myself. With food and stay in hostel I just needed that much to eat out, go to the movies, gift my pals for birthdays, buy stamps to write to my brother in school, and use for auto. Suffice. I did spend over the amount sometimes but friends were always there to lend. Shopping was the little factor that always exceeded the budget (Rs.500 for every kurta that ended up in my cupboard).

I did travel by AC Third class every time I went home from Chennai. But, the security factor mattered much more than the expenditure factor to my parents. They never weighed us with money. In fact no parent would when they can afford it.

Initially, I got to go home once in 3 months. Then school rules changes. Once a month! This was a huge piece of chicken! Too big to eat kinds. But yes, we never said no. All the schools I studied in were this way. And in Chennai I got to decide when I will go home. So it happened whenever I needed a break - a break from a busy schedule of working, running around, social service, but never classes. J And a weekend home strictly meant, meeting all relatives, staying at least one night at grandma’s (now grandpa’s), waiting till daddy’s meetings were over, and opting to eat only chicken lollipop whenever we went out. This wasn’t too much of a task for me. I enjoyed all this. I loved the attention and the love from the whole circuit of people. My parents always spread this vibration of “keeping the family together and maintaining the equilibrium within” to us. I was the same with friends. Family is always fun-loving and inviting. No one will complain. Every periamma and periappa would repeat the same questions (and they haven’t stopped yet). It’s too much to answer the same day… but it’s my answers that will satisfy them.

And weekend also means, being hugged by my parents, talking to them before they sleep, massaging daddy’s legs and telling them a few things I want to. (The others are obviously not important). The best thing about being the daughter is you are much more your mom than anyone else. At least I believe so. I’m my mother, just an advanced, noisy, crazy, and lousy version! I cannot be how selfless, loving and mummy she is. I promise I will work on it. I can’t be her totally. It’s like seeking perfection, which is out of question. Phew!

Who said I look and I’m another version of my mom. Yeah, I did. Just before a few lines. But I never said I’m only her. I’m daddy in many ways. I get those courageous, out-spoken, leader kinds, perfectionist, and short tempered qualities from dad. And yes, they’ve taken me a long way. I’m not going to work too hard to be the same forever, cause am already it!

This is the kingdom I belong to. I’m the princess. I get the preferences after the boy. It’s not a complaint - it’s just the way it is. The lil’ one is the center of our lives and his happiness is # 1 for us. He is the best lil’ brother anyone could ask for.

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